Post the Third or How I learned to stop worrying and love retail, Part 1


For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled. -Richard Feynman

Sometime in mid 2010 yours truly, along with the New York cast, got involved in the idea of dragging an industry which has thrived for reasons that can’t be understood by any means of available logic into the 21st century.  The idea was thought up as many are by the Father. My Dad, thinking as he does, saw a problem and intended to find a solution to it. As he’s done so many times in the past, he used all available tools at his considerable disposal, and once that minute or so had passed he assigned the task to me.

But, as there were some hindrances in his plan, namely the lack of software and the contacts in which to actually perpetrate this particular fraud, he attempted to enlist the help of his long term friend who actually interacts, daily, sometimes hourly with the industry in question.

His response?

“So, as I understand it, you want Corey to take a retail stores inventory, its entire inventory, the stuff that’s on the shelves, the stuff they sell daily, the stuff they aren’t even sure they have, and place it on, and somehow you think this is a good idea?”

My Dad being my dad doesn’t tend to listen well when someone says it can’t be done so here was his reply: “So….Here’s how I think you can do it…” as he rattled off the quick stream of consciousness ideas, some that were rooted in reality, others that had yet to be invented, still more that were simply impossible using 31st century technology, let alone 21st.

A plan was formed:

“ok” said the friend. “Here’s what I can do, and by the way, ALL I’m going to do, because this, this, well, its just nuts”. Clearly having some idea of the vast chasm that existed between retail and the Internet, the friend wanted to remain blameless. “I’m going to find 30 or so items that the store has maybe in stock, I’ll give them to you, you can give the list to Corey, and he can offer them for sale on, it won’t work, no one will want to buy from this retailer, and more to the point its just another in a long list of your good ideas…”

The plan was enacted:

The list went live on Amazon late in a Friday afternoon. I, thinking along the lines of my Dad’s friend, went on a road trip because, well, this was clearly a waste of my time and resources. As I left my driveway a sale notification came through to my email. “must be my Dad playing around on Amazon”. Five miles down the road came another notification. “clearly, my Dad must be bored, I’ll just check this when I get to my destination in two hours”. Two miles further and three more notifications “does he not realize that Amazon is going to charge me for these sales??”. This continued throughout the 130 miles I was driving that day in the same fashion.

The Plan is not what it seems:

“Hi Dad, its Corey, listen I understand you’re excited and want to see your idea work, but enough is enough, every time you purchase one of those items on Amazon they charge me”.

After a good ten seconds the reply back was: “what items? Did you put the list from my friend on like I asked?”.

Stay tuned for the next installment of Samurai Retail Store!

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