My wife the ubiquitous and fantastic BocaFrau wasn’t born an American, her loss! (sorry Hun!). No, she originated from a country that hasn’t existed for over 22 years now, the former Deutsche Demokratische Republik (DDR) or in English: the German Democratic Republic, you know…the Commies, The Reds, Pinko’s, Commie Bastards etc..! Ever see Richard Burton in “the Spy who Came in from the Cold”? That country. Or if you’re of lessor tastes then it would be Val Kilmer in “Top Secret”, same country, less taste!
The DDR as an effective government fell during the course of 1989 and 1990 roughly paralleling the fall of other communist controlled eastern bloc countries. But that’s not the the story I want to tell here.
Our story begins in late 1999 when I was working for my Dad at Alamo Cash Advance in Boca Raton. My family had owned a little bungalow that used to be the servant’s quarters to a large manor house on Federal Highway. The bungalow was the only structure to survive into the 1980′s when my Grandfather bought it. If you live in Boca you probably know it as the little pink and white building across the street from Mizner Park. After My Dad and I had run a Dry Cleaning store in that bungalow for a year or so in the mid 90′s I escaped to Tampa to get as far away from that hell hole as possible! But a few years later found me entrapped in that damn building again.
I came back from Tampa fairly broken; the girl I followed up there turned out to be a serial liar and cheat. Listen its not like she couldn’t keep her legs together, she just didn’t want to and while that sounds great it mostly wasn’t with me! My roommate was serial mooch and also a liar and lots of other things that had turned a headstrong 19 year old into a frail 21 year old.
So, after I kicked the idiot roommate out back to Boca, and Bitchbag, my former girlfriend with her parents and I suspect her new boyfriend(s), cleaned out our townhouse, our bank account, and swiped the cats (all this while I was at work an hour away in Pinellas Park) I decided that it was time for the Tampa experiment to officially end and tail between my legs head back home.
As I was very close to my Dad, he of course knew all about my troubles and found it funny that I was so broken up about them when it had only cost me two years time and two thousand dollars, his divorce and custody problems with me lasting almost ten years time and significantly more than 2k!
So, being the good Dad he is, he told me not to worry, take a week, sit in a motel on the beach, relax, and then I’ll need your ass back to work here at 8:30 am, do not be late you will regret it!
At this time my Dad was transitioning the company from a walk in affair to over the telephone only and we began a hiring binge the likes of which I’d never seen before. At one point it got so bad that I was stringing telephone cables and network cables on the walls of the bungalow with Duct Tape to keep up with the demands of the new hires. Every one required a telephone, every one required a desk, everyone a computer. It was busy!
I was the computer guy for the company in addition to taking some calls when needed and basically whatever shit job that could be assigned by my Dad or his partner I got. I really didn’t like it much. But, I saw where this was going and knew that it would get better with time, so I did what was asked, poorly for the most part.
One of the perks I had as the computer guy was I could say anything I wanted to the new hires, all girls, to get a peek at their licensees so I could determine age. It was complete BS, but again, who’s gonna argue? “Uh, Miss, uh, to enter you into our system I’m gonna need your DL, and I guess uhm, your student ID…Please”. Got away with it every single time!
Anyway, so during the hiring binge I’m walking from the front of the office to the back when I notice a interview candidate had just arrived and she was clearly not a American. Not a chance, her hair was clearly colored and not in a way an American chick would do it, this was “Yep, I colored my hair, no its clearly not a natural color, and damn skippy I like it”. She wore it in a short cut and had extremely pretty expressive eyes.
At this point I turn in to Freddie Boom Boom Washington from Welcome Back Kotter;
“Hi, I’m looking for Danny, the manager, I have an interview” I can hear an accent!
“He’s busy, may I get you a chair?”
“uh, sure” Oh, damn right, she’s not from here!
“So, what do you do? go to school around here?”
“Yes, I go to Florida Atlantic” Uh huh, not remotely a local, we call it just FAU.
“Ok, well, while we wait for Danny, I’ll be needing your Drivers License, your FAU Student ID, and ah, your Green Card, if you have one…”
Out comes the ID’s I’ve asked for and damn it all to hell, Danny the manager too. Before he speaks I’ve had just a second to look over the Green Card, she’s a German!
“Corey, you know, ah, we don’t actually need all that until they are hired”
Fuck you you sanctimonious ass! Of course I know that! Go interview her and hire her dolt!
Which is precisely what he did and the German girl started working in a day or two. After a few days I found myself staying later at work then usual or even necessary to take breaks with the German girl who actually as it turned out had a name, Susi. And after a few more days of this silly shit I found up the courage to pseudo-ask for a date. ‘Member the broken part, yep, this is where it comes to play. Instead of manning up a bit, I got half way there and asked her to dinner at Denny’s. That’s right folks, the home of such high end food as “Moons over my Hammy”, “The Grand Slamwhich”, and lest not forget: “the Super Bird”! Big shot spender I was!
We had a very nice dinner as it turns out. Some laughing, story telling, whatever. No awkwardness and damn it I thought I did pretty good!
The next day I was shattered. I got the cold shoulder! What the flying fuck did I do? What stupid comment that I thought was hilarious offended her? Damn it all! Fuck!
Well, that’s my nature and my curse. I say and do a lot of silly shit. I’ve at one point or other offended everyone around me. Its nothing new. But, damn it, I thought I had behaved!
So, I figured screw it, If she’s not gonna date me, she can at least tell me what I did so I don’t make the same mistake with someone else! Won’t speak to me. I get a “hi” and down turned eyes. What the hell? I must of royally screwed this one up. Well, damage done, I’m gonna keep asking till I get a answer.
Finally after a few days, Susi relents. “I’m sorry, I feel very bad about not telling you why I haven’t talked to you since we went out, but, Danny the manager said he doesn’t allow fraternization.”
Doesn’t. Allow. Fraternization.
“Really” I said “He doesn’t allow fraternization, him, he, the manager, Danny, Doesn’t allow fraternization…I see. Well, can you give me about five minutes? don’t go anywhere, I’ll have this fixed quickly”.
Susi asks worriedly ”You’re not going to talk to Danny are you?”
Uh, no I’m not going to talk to Danny. Danny who was married and quite clearly crushing on the German g..uh, Susi… :).
I walked calmly over to my Dad’s office in the front of the bungalow, sat on the other side of his desk and said:
“Hey, Dad, uh, you know the German chick that works for us?”
“We have a German working for us?
“Is she cute?”
“Yes, and born in 79 so off limits for you, this is my territory”
“Oh, ok, uhm, what the hell do you want anyway, I’m busy here”
“Danny apparently told her she couldn’t date me because we work together”
“HAHAHAHA he said what now? Don’t worry about Corey, whats the point of hiring college girls if you aren’t gonna date them??”
That’s what I thought! So I marched back to Susi with a quick, “don’t worry about it, its taken care of”, and turned my heels back to Danny: “Danny, a moment if you will?”
“Im kinda busy”
Yeah ok, you know whats coming next. Not quite as oblivious as I thought. “Yeah that’s nice, have it your way, we’ll just do it here on the floor then: Danny, are you aware that the owner of the business and I share the same last name?”
“Danny, do you think that’s a coincidence?”
“Good, I’m going to be taking out the German girl soon and other than managing her at the workplace I suggest you limit your future involvement in the matter”.
“Well, I’m going to Jeff (my Dad) on this matter. This is my rule, its for the best of the company, and Jeff will see it as such”.
“So lemme get this right, you’re going to go to Jeff, your boss, my Dad and tell him what? That his son might go out with one of the employees? And you think this is a good idea??? Hahahahahahahah, good luck with that Danny! Seriously good luck! Let me know how that works out for you!
Well, he did. As I understand that meeting was unfortunate for him…. I tried to warn him!
But, it cleared the path for The German girl to become my wife almost a year and a half later.